It’s been a week of breakup madness. I’ve tried to act as strong as I could. Trust me, this is really killing me inside. This morning I woke up from a dream of you as usual. In my mind, I asked myself whether to creep up near your house perhaps to catch a glimpse of you as you leave your house. (I know this is stalker behaviour). All I wanted for now to catch a glimpse of you. Of course, by the time morning, 8 am comes, I’ve shelved that idea because firstly, I know this isn’t right. I have already done my fair share of stalking before NYE and I don’t want to turn into that monster whom I couldn’t even recognise. Secondly, who knows what would happen if I really saw you? Will I be able to stop myself from approaching you and giving you that hug that I craved so much for?
From my past letter, there were loads of questions I would like to ask you. I will ask just one question for this letter. When you said you’ve lost feelings for me, I really wanted to know whether did all that happened right before our argument on 3rd December an act? Yes, I really cannot understand how the person I know as bright and bubbly could be acting that she was still in love with me. I do understand your viewpoint on certain issues you’ve highlighted throughout the “rocky” December period. I really cannot understand how there could be an 180 degrees changes to your attitude towards me. From the warm, smiling and bubbly girl, holding my hands (and even complaining that I wasn’t holding your hands properly) and hugging me at every opportunity on the Saturday before 3rd December, to someone who no longer initiates to hold my hands nor to hug me anymore to now, a break up in less than a month.
I’ve tried looking up how to get back your ex because frankly, I’ve thought long and hard. Although there are imperfections in you definitely, however, they don’t mean much to me because the perfection of bee is much more than those little imperfections. I still love you. I know you won’t ultimately read all these, however, while asking you the question that I did, suddenly, memories from 2 weeks prior to 3rd December flowed back so much. I’m really really lost. What happened? Do you still had at least the feelings for me? Do I still stand a chance to be with you? Really demoralised.
To add, instead of sitting down and cry my heart out and stay in bed refusing to do anything, I’ve instead signed up for a skill future course for Android Development. I’m actually quite apprehensive about my next idea, I might be considering taking keyboard classes (Music keyboard) too if I ultimately can convince myself to do so. I’m trying to be strong but you should understand that the hole you left in me was really insurmountable with just 1 week. I still do miss you dear. I love you.