Day 13: are everything normal? 

This would be a slightly shorter post since I have limited things I wanted to say here. The second week of the break up had passed. Frankly speaking, I’ve felt better than I was for the first week. Don’t get me wrong, I still hoped for her to be back in my arms. It’s just that I feel I’ve coped with the heart-wrenching moments better than I’ve anticipated.

Met up with an army bro on day 13 night. I actually feel so bad because I’ve used to tell my ex about him. He was someone that was so clingy to his girlfriend that he wouldn’t have time to care about his friends. I’ve even said he will only find you when he needed you. It was so the opposite. Ended up when I was at the lowest point of my life, he suggested we meet up and chat. I felt so good to chat with him since he himself was in a long-term relationship. He would understand this pain perfectly. He assured me that he understand the pain is much bigger than regular relationship due to the sheer length. When we left,  he text me like,  “don’t worry bro,  you still got me!”.  It got me really thinking. In the past,  I was so wrong about him.

Apart from that, I’ve actually for the first time in the 2 weeks thought about really moving on. I’ve found several reasons to:

  1. She lives so far away from me. Every trip over to her house is a pain.
  2. She wants us to live with her mum after getting married. (I’ll be honest,  I’m totally fine with that,  I just wanted to create more reasons here)
  3. She insist on a bto at punggol so her mum can be near her family.
  4. She has this panic attack which prevents her from taking long distance transport like train, plane, ship and so on. This limits the places we could go.
  5. She is also not too keen know amusement parks either. The only time we went Universal studios, we only took those kiddy rides. She is also extremely afraid of ghosts (Ya fake ones) so no fright night at USS.
  6. Sometimes I feel she has no regards to her other half need. As demonstrated in point 1 and 2. When I’ve relented on point 1, she wouldn’t even budge on point 2.

Of course after thinking about all these,  the good also comes back to me. Overwhelming the bad points I’ve listed and told me don’t give up just yet. Why wouldn’t I want to? Isn’t it much simpler to give up and move on that clinging to the hope that she would reverse her decision? Will I be able to overcome this whole breakup event when we do get back together? Wouldn’t I be very afraid that she would feel it is time to leave me again? How am I going to pick up the pieces for the second time from day 1? Will we really change for each other? I don’t want to be the only one compromising. I don’t want to be someone I am not just so she wouldn’t leave me. Statistically, former couples that got back together do not really end well usually. Because the fundamental issue was never addressed. People let their heart cloud their judgment thinking you need to get back together to stop the heartache. People failed to realize you broke up for a reason, and you can break up again if the reason still exists. That’s why most relationships advisors advised the No contact rule. The by-product might be that the dumper might be able to let go of the bad, remember the good and starts missing you when you suddenly disappear from their lives. However, the main objective was for the dumpee to think and understand what we want to be. Whether getting back with them is what we really want. Get back the confidence and the real you. Stop being clingy or needy because when we first met,  I certainly did not appear needy and clingy. Why would I think displaying this trait would attract her back? It won’t. Most importantly, if there was ever a chance to get back, we need to address the fundamental problem,  I really need to be prepared to let go of how she broke up with me,  start anew. Else,  this relationship is destined for another huge disaster.

That said, it’s been 9 years since we first got together. I don’t expect myself to just “move on” so easily like this. These are just the things I ponder during this non-contact period. I pray every day she will be back with me again. I still do.

泪水 将我淹没 到底谁该难过
究竟 是谁放掉 这段感情
我才终于明白 办不到的承诺 就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她 我不爱她
笑着难过 自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎 横了心 说真心谎话

别告诉她 我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口 就让沉默 代替所有回答

我才终于明白 办不到的承诺 就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她 我不爱她
笑着难过 自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎 横了心 说真心谎话

别告诉她 我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口 就让沉默 代替所有回答

我不爱 我不痛 我不懂
我的心 早已掏空
真心话 言不由衷

请告诉她 我不爱她
笑着难过 自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎 横了心 说真心谎话

别告诉她 我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口 就让沉默 代替所有回答

别告诉她 我还想她 就让沉默 代替所有回答

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